I haven’t updated lately because there is a lot going on in our lives right now, mine particularly, that I’m not ready to share with IRL people that read my blog. I do need to journal these thoughts and feelings and I think the best way for me to do this is to password protect certain entries. It’s funny how I can feel comfortable spilling my guts to people I haven’t seen or met. Maybe it’s the anonymity. Maybe it’s because I know the people reading won’t read into what I have to say and take it personally.
I know from my blog stats that I have quite a few visitors coming by to read but few comment … that’s OK, I don’t need the comments to feel validated.
If you would like the password to the protected posts leave a comment here and I will email it to you.
The breast feeding is still going. For now. The left breast is still not producing very much despite all I have done. What have I done you ask? It might be easier to say what I have not done.
I have been pumping every hour for 10-15 minutes during the day. Some sessions get me half an ounce, some get me enough milk to cover the bottom of the bottle. Along with the pumping I am taking 3 caplets of fenugreek, 3 caplets of blessed thistle, three caplets of hops and one tablet of brewers yeast three time a day. Also I am taking 5 tablets of domperidone twice a day. My appointments with the physiotherapist have helped break up the blockages in the left side but I think it’s been too long for that breast to bounce back. Too little too late.
Even though the left breast is still not producing much the right is doing well. Graeme is getting pretty much most of his milk from me whether it’s at the breast or pumped into a bottle. He does get two 6oz bottles a day and rice or oatmeal cereal along with a small serving of veggies for dinner in the evenings. I have been making all of his veggies and fruit. Once a week I get out the steamer, blender and veggies and cook up his meals. It gives me quite a bit of satisfaction knowing what I’m feeding him isn’t processed beyond recognition.
His first taste of food after the rice was pumpkin which he really enjoyed. Since then he’s had butternut squash, sweet potato, peas, carrots, apples, corn, avacado and prunes. The prunes he wasn’t too fond of and the face he made was priceless.
I’ve been documenting the food making with my camera and want to put up a page or two of ‘how to’ when the computer comes back. Or maybe send it along to Pru at Mush.
I know it’s been almost a month since my last post. I’m still here but our computer bit the big one right after the holidays. The power supply went along with the mother board and video card. Sgt and I took it to a friend of my brothers to get fixed and $560 later we brought it home. 48 hours after that it began giving us as much grief as a 15 year old. It refused to start up and when it finally dragged it’s sorry ass out of bed it was sluggish, moody and talked back to us. Tonight it’s going back and hopefully we’ll have no trouble after that.
For now I’m on Sgt’s extremely slow going laptop. It hates me and I hate it. Catching up on blogs it painfully time consuming. Trying to get any type of work done is impossible and I have several projects that have been put on hold for now. Projects that were on hold for months following Graemes birth and our move. I finally have the time to complete them and the computer decides to say ‘fuck you’.
Here’s hoping that the computer is back in our house before the end of the weekend.
It’s been four months since Graeme came into our lives. Four months but it feels like he has always been here. When I think back to everything Sgt and I went through to have him here there is only one phrase that comes to mind. It was worth it. Graeme was worth the wait, the miscarriages, the heartache, the cost. He was worth all of it and more.
He is a good baby, a happy baby. I love that I get to be his first smile of the morning and his last smile at night. I love that I am his favorite person in his world right now. I still well up with tears of pure love and joy every night when I tuck him into bed. He’s ours forever and always.
He’s a great baby to put to bed and I count that as a huge blessing. He usually goes to bed between 8 and 9 pm and wakes up at 8 the next morning. He only naps once during the day for about 2 hours but if he’s sleeping all night I don’t care. At four months I am getting a full nights sleep.
Our first few weeks together were chaos. Moving with a newborn is not something I would ever recommend. Never ever! But we survived. The mastisis I had in my left breast left me with such a low supply on that side that I hardly ever feed from that breast. Graeme hates eating from that side. I have tried anything and everything to get the breast to work as well as the right side. Herbs, domperidone, pumping. I finally called a lactation consultant and together we figured out that the left breast is backed up. The mastisis left it clogged with thickend milk that hampers my letdown and the milk that is there comes trickling out. Everything I have read about it says it’s like trying to squeeze creamcheese out of a tiny tube. Nice visual huh? When the baby is eating off of that side he will get some of that thickend milk and gag on it. When pumping it never comes flowing out, just drips. I think it’s a good pumping session when I can get a quarter of an ounce in 15 minutes from that breast.
Fed up and frustrated with it all I turned to trusty Google to find a solution. And I found one. Several sites recommended going to a physiotherapist to have the breast treated with deep heat and ultrasound. I have an appointment this Friday with a local clinic. God I hope this works and I have a boob that works. I’m getting tired of being lopsided and feeling like I failed to feed my child. I know that giving Graeme formula is not going to make me a bad mother but after the frustration with my body failing me while trying to get pregnant I thought this would be easier. It had to be easier.
Here’s a great link to a post from ElectricLady at City Girl Tales. Pump-Palooza She makes you feel less lonely and has plenty of helpful links to other moms and support groups.
I’ll update after my appointment on Friday and let you know if my left boob can be saved.
The lovely Pru is setting up another Holiday Card Exchange. So far I am the only Canadian signed up and the only two Brits aren’t even real Brits they’re ex-pats from the US.
Go sign up.
It’s not like I’m already losing enough hair post-pregnancy to clog my shower drain several times during a shower. Drano is on my grocery list every week even though I have a hair trap in the tub.
I have had more trouble with the move to my new webhost then I care to think about. I hve uninstalled, reinstalled, uninstalled … you get the picture. I finally reached a breaking point last night and decided that today I would save all of my posts from the last 14 month onto a Word document, save the photo’s and delete the blog so I could start fresh. Before having Graeme I would have spent an entire day and night making sure all of my old post were back up and timestamped correctly and stayed up until the wee hours of the morning making a new layout. Now my days are not my own anymore so over time I will get my old post back up again and maybe, just maybe, get around to making a new layout. Just not today. Today I am hoping to have a shower before someone wakes up from their nap. Continue reading
Here I am! What a month. I had some trouble with my hosting service and had to move my domains to a new host. While in the process of moving I thought I had lost the past year of blog entries and that upset me. My old host sent me a folder full of files that I had no idea what to do with so I sent off an email to the support section of my new host MidPhase< and the ever so clever Sergey put everything back togather for me. If you’re looking for a host I highly recommend these folks.
Graeme is growing like you wouldn’t believe. Sgt and i weighed him the other night and he is now 15lb 8oz. More than doubled his birth weight. He has rolls on his legs and several chins. He has been rolling from front to back for a few weeks now much to the dogs dismay. He loves to chat and sing us songs. If he is upset you know it. Boy does he let you know it.
I started up a video blog on Blogger because for some reason WordPress makes it difficult for me to upload videos. I’m sure there’s a plugin I could find but after the trouble I had getting everything moved I’m afraid to ‘rock the boat’ so to speak. So far I have two video’s posted HERE and will be putting a permanent link up as soon as I find time to change the layout. If you have extra time on your hands feel free to send some of it to me will ya?
Other news I have … We have connected with two families that have used the same donor through the Donor Sibling Registry. One in the U.S. and one here in Canada. I have been chatting with them through email and F@cebook and we have exchanged photo’s. There are many shared traites between Graeme and his donor siblings. It’s been wonderful talking with other mom’s about our children and our donor. So far our donor has not consented to ID but that may change. If it doesn’t I’m fine with that as is Sgt.
BEB was home from school last Wednesday and helped me make this shirt for Graeme. It’s an image I made a few years ago and was selling to other military families when Sgt was on yet another tour. I thought it turned out really well.
I’ll sign off for now and leave you with the link to my flickr account where I’ve uploaded some new photo’s.
Maybe I’ll get a shower before noon today … maybe.
I have officially moved into my new site. It’s all shiny and new. I just love the layout I got for it too.
I will be posting the link for it here and it will remain up. The paranoia I had about being ‘outed’ at work is gone after doing a little IP background check.
Hurry Up n Wait
Please pop by and say ‘hi’. I’d love to see you. If you have me linked on your blog, thank you for considering me worthy of your blogroll. Please update any links with my new address.
My doctors appointment went well. Just a quick once-over because I am not to have any internals at this point. BP’s good, heart & lungs seem to be working fine. She is referring me to the High-Risk clinic in the city I work in because of the past years miscarriages and because Cleatus seems to be using his/her placenta as a punching bag.
The ultrasound went well too. Sgt came in with me right at the start. The tech usually makes partners wait until all the measurements are done before allowing them in the room but made an exception for us. Gotta love small towns.
Cleatus is measuring about 5 cm now and the heartrate was measured at 161 bpm. Nice-lady tech printed off another photo for us. My scanner is a piece of shit and does not work well with our newer computer so to make do I tried taking some digital pictures. They are not the best but will do for now. It’s a little bright at the top from the flash I couldn’t disable … I’m a twit when it comes to crap like that.