It’s been four months since Graeme came into our lives. Four months but it feels like he has always been here. When I think back to everything Sgt and I went through to have him here there is only one phrase that comes to mind. It was worth it. Graeme was worth the wait, the miscarriages, the heartache, the cost. He was worth all of it and more.
He is a good baby, a happy baby. I love that I get to be his first smile of the morning and his last smile at night. I love that I am his favorite person in his world right now. I still well up with tears of pure love and joy every night when I tuck him into bed. He’s ours forever and always.
He’s a great baby to put to bed and I count that as a huge blessing. He usually goes to bed between 8 and 9 pm and wakes up at 8 the next morning. He only naps once during the day for about 2 hours but if he’s sleeping all night I don’t care. At four months I am getting a full nights sleep.
Our first few weeks together were chaos. Moving with a newborn is not something I would ever recommend. Never ever! But we survived. The mastisis I had in my left breast left me with such a low supply on that side that I hardly ever feed from that breast. Graeme hates eating from that side. I have tried anything and everything to get the breast to work as well as the right side. Herbs, domperidone, pumping. I finally called a lactation consultant and together we figured out that the left breast is backed up. The mastisis left it clogged with thickend milk that hampers my letdown and the milk that is there comes trickling out. Everything I have read about it says it’s like trying to squeeze creamcheese out of a tiny tube. Nice visual huh? When the baby is eating off of that side he will get some of that thickend milk and gag on it. When pumping it never comes flowing out, just drips. I think it’s a good pumping session when I can get a quarter of an ounce in 15 minutes from that breast.
Fed up and frustrated with it all I turned to trusty Google to find a solution. And I found one. Several sites recommended going to a physiotherapist to have the breast treated with deep heat and ultrasound. I have an appointment this Friday with a local clinic. God I hope this works and I have a boob that works. I’m getting tired of being lopsided and feeling like I failed to feed my child. I know that giving Graeme formula is not going to make me a bad mother but after the frustration with my body failing me while trying to get pregnant I thought this would be easier. It had to be easier.
Here’s a great link to a post from ElectricLady at City Girl Tales. Pump-Palooza She makes you feel less lonely and has plenty of helpful links to other moms and support groups.
I’ll update after my appointment on Friday and let you know if my left boob can be saved.