Monthly Archives: September 2006

Let’s get it started

I’ve been a slack blogger the past few days. I meant to put up an update after last weeks assessment with the RE but for some reason I lost control of any spare time I may have. Sgt. M has been away in the evenings for Uni courses, the wee soldiers have hockey and cadets scheduled Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. Some nights after the shuttling between rink and home I fall into bed without ever having turned on the computer. Doesn’t help that I spend most of my day sat in-front of one at work and just can’t be bothered once home. So on to the RE update …

Sgt. M and I headed off to the big city of Toronto last Tuesday to hear all about the old eggs I have and if there is anything they can offer to us to give us a better chance of carrying to term. After waiting for 30 minutes or so we are asked to come back to the conference room to sit with Dr. C. Poor Dr. C. was suffering from an acute urinary tract infection and asked us to please excuse her if she needed to jump up and head to the ladies room. Having suffered from the horrific infections myself I know the need. Pleasantries aside, we set down to business. After going over my chart, looking at my previous protocols as well as our donors stats we have decided on a new and improved formula for me. Well, not so much new but definitely improved. My last cycle we used 50mg of Fema*ra for days 3-7, 50 iu’s of Pure*gon for days 7-10 and it produced to splendid follies. One did fertilize only to end as a chemical.  That’s the past and we are on to bigger and better things Dr. C promises.

After letting the good doc know that this will be our last cycle, we can not afford IVF either financially or emotionally I asked if we could up the ante, produce more follicles and hope that one of the buggers fertalizes and is normal in every way. She agreed and my new protocol of Fema*ra days 3-7 and 100 iu’s of Pure*gon days 7 – trigger will begin once AF decides to get her ass in gear and show up to the party. From the way I’ve been feeling the past few days it shouldn’t be very long until she does. 

Let’s get this party started shall we?

2nd Assessment

My assessment with the RE is this afternoon. I plan on asking her what my hormone levels have been at during the 3 iui cycles I have had. I have asked before only to get “They’re just fine, within normal range.” Which has made me wonder … Am I in the “high” normal range, “low” normal range right smack-dab in the middle? Will post about my appointment later today when I get home from the big city.

One Small Step

I crossed a threshold yesterday.

While on break at work I was chatting with a few gals from my floor about autumn, birthdays and my 36 year old eggs. One of the gals commented on her two miscarriages since starting her job and thought stress may be the reason. Ana (I girl I started my training with) became a bit pale. I asked her if everything was OK and she said that the comment made her nervous. She had not told anyone other then her partner that she is expecting (16 weeks) and has had several miscarriages before this. I felt her anxiety, I’ve been there myself, but what I also felt suprised me.

I felt happy for her. Genuine happiness for Ana because she has surpassed all the weeks of her previous miscarriages and her ultrasounds showed everything was looking perfect. I hugged and congratulated her without having that little voice inside me whining “Why not me?” It felt so good to feel happy for someone else instead of bitter. I can’t say it will happen again for another person, but for my friend Ana I have a smile, a hug and and look forward to seeing her big belly in the coming months.

Happy Birthday to you … You belong in the Zoo

It’s raining this morning. Fall is in the air … you can smell it. The wood smoke drifting from a neighbours home, the crisp mornings with the tiniest hint of frost. I always loved autumn as a kid. I think it had more to do with my birthday coming then anything else.

Birthdays are always a big thing aren’t they? When you were are child your birthday seemed to be ages away and there was always one more milestone to reach. Turning 5 meant leaving the safety and security of home and getting on a huge, yellow bus that would take you to this enormous school. There you would meet new friends and every day bring home a sachel filled with arts and crafts. I loved school at this age and could not wait for Mondays to come so I could hop up on that bus.

The next big birthday for me was turning 10. Now I had not one, but two digits in my age! Only three more years until I would become a teenager! 13 was the begining of an extremely emotionally chaotic time in my life. Highschool loomed and hormones raged.

Next came 16, learners permit and I fell in love for the very first time. He was everything I could have wanted at 16 … a little daring and dangerous. He was also the first person I slept with. He broke my heart 3 months later.

18 years was an exciting one. I could legally drink alcohol in Quebec. I grew up in a small town on the Ontario/Quebec border and spent many weekends with friends heading over to the two bars the small Quebec towns had to offer.

19 years meant I no longer had to steal away to another province, I could stay in Ontario and get shit-faced while dancing to Manilli-Vanilli and George Michael atop speakers in Copperfields. 19 was the year I met my husband. He was and still is everything I could ever wish for.

After 19 the birthdays came a little more quickly. 22, newly married and pregnant for the first time. I’m now a mom at 23 and pregnant with my second child. 24, left for 6 months with a toddler and a newborn while my dh serves our country half a world away. 28 was a tough birthday for me, it meant one more step closer to the dreaded 30!

This year I’ll be 36 … it’s only a week and 3 days away. This year all I can think about is my 36 year old eggs and how their reserve is getting lower and lower. How much time do I have left to have another child? Two pregnancies and two miscarriages at 35 do not make me hopeful. We have an appointment with the RE on Tuesday to talk about me, my eggs and what our next step is going to be.

All I can think about is my soon-to-be 36 year old eggs.

A Change Will Do you Good …

Two weeks ago my supervisor left, move to BC to start a new life. I envy her and I miss her terribly. Work just has not been the same since. I drag my ass in there everyday and listen to people tell me all their troubles … I have to keep a shiny, happy face through all of this *blech* It’s been harder and harder for me to do that so …

I woke up this morning and decided to call in sick *cough cough*. I’m job hunting for the rest of the day as well as getting caught up on some much needed housework. Now don’t get me wrong, I love the people I work with. They are some of the brightest and funniest people I have ever had the pleasure to work with. It’s the job that’s becoming monotonous. See, I work for a call-center and our contract is for a major Canadian Phone company. At first I loved what I was doing and who I was working with. It was also my temporary job while I was pregnant so I would have some employment insurance to fall back on (before this I was self-employed for 7 years). After my miscarriage in May I thought “This is just what I need, a place to go everyday to take my mind off of things.” and it did but now it’s become a place I resent every morning. So now it’s my turn to make a change. What that change is going to be I’m not sure.