What would you do?

I received and email the other day from another Donor Sibling Registry user. She asked if I would share photos of Graeme with her because she’s thinking about using our donor.

I haven’t emailed her back yet because I will not be sharing photos but I do want to know what qualities she is looking for in her donor. Is she basing her choice on how the donor offspring look or is that¬† secondary? If she is basing it soley on looks then I personally think she needs to do a bit more thinking before choosing.

If you have a donor conceived child would you share photos with someone wanting to know more about the donor? 

7 thoughts on “What would you do?

  1. skygirl

    See, I didn’t know you used a donor. Guess I missed that!

    Um, don’t know what I’d do. I think that it’s natural for her to be curious about possibilities. Just keep in mind that even though she’s curious about physical traits, it’s not necessarily a main factor in her decision.

    Would I share? I guess it depends on the rapport I had with the person… the feeling I got from them.

    Good luck!

  2. Leann

    I wouldn’t send pictures of my kid to her. I agree, what the kids look like is absolutely secondary. And, how does she know your child doesn’t resemble you more than the donor? When choosing a donor, she should be much more interested in your child’s health background and that of other children sired by the same donor. I would be curious as to why she didn’t inquire along those lines, instead. I would just tell her that you are very private about your family and child but would be willing to share any descriptive information with her.

  3. DD

    Let’s say for us our donor was not anonymous…

    I don’t think I’d feel comfortable sharing a picure of my child. It should be enough that they have a picture of the donor. In our case, ZGirl really resembles Dad and a picture of her certainly wouldn’t be helpful.

    As for how to decline gracefully? Maybe you can ask if there’s a particular concern that you can assure her of in regards to looks via a conversation instead of exchanging photos.

  4. DD

    I should add that I wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing the picture through the avenue she asked, since obviously I have pictures of ZGirl in a relatively public forum. If you haven’t shared pictures before, then that’s why I’d hesitate.

    Thought I should clarify that.

  5. Anna

    Oh, that’s a tough one. I also totally forgot you used a donor! Duh!

    I might share, but the problem in that lies that once you have a picture in your head, you can’t help but expect your child to look slightly similar. If they don’t… you’ll feel…what? Disappointed? Surprised? Cheated? My son looks only SLIGHTLY like my husband, but not really like my cousin as a baby, either. He does have her eyes (I have the same eyes, too – everyone on that side of the family has exactly the same eyes). Our Bee is a mish-mosh, and we just tell people he looks like himself. Only God knows where he got his perfect nose…

    Keep us posted as to what you decide!

  6. Somewhat Ordinary

    No, I wouldn’t. At this point we aren’t even open about it so it would be a non-issue, but if/when we do become active on DSR I don’t think I would give my children’s pictures our to someone fishing like that. I’ve looked at childhood pictures of the donor and I don’t really see him in my son, but then again I don’t really see me or my husband. He just looks like him.

  7. Lynn

    We are registered on Donor Offspring Matches and I was also contacted with someone who has used our donor twice (with no success so far) and she wanted a photo. I did send it to her. I figured I’d love to see as well and I didn’t see any harm in it. She does not know where we live or any other identifying info. I can see, however, why some people would choose not to. Very personal decision.

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